I enjoy Torah.
And I'm excited for when I learn it next year.
Not that I'm not excited for this year, but next year I'll be closer to Oregon, if that makes any sense.

( The End )

I am so lazy.
I could be cleaning out my closet, reading three different important books (The Secret life of Gd, The wisdom of Hebrew letters, the tanach), cleaning up my room, socially interacting with my peers, making food or pondering what I should do with my life.
Instead I'm lying in bed and playing on the computer.
This is sad.

After twenty minutes under a table today I realiz

(How did the rest of this disappear?)

ed two things.
1. Low blood sugar wrecks havoc on my emotions
2. Coffee and I are never a good mix.


Also, I want to see The Ballad of Jack and Rose again.
A terrbily great movie.

7am.
Wake up.
Lie in bed for three minutes and then dress in tznius attire.
Spend twelve seconds considering wearing a tank top.
7:30am
Buy groceries
Accidently buy two unkosher things.
Obviously, they taste good.
7:58am
Arrive at Julie's.
8:07am
Julie sees me in my super cool black glasses.
She laughs.
Because of how cool I am.
9:20am
We leave.
I talk to Julie about religion and stuff
10:00am
Arrive at the Woodburn outlet, help Yehudah into Julie's Urgo contraption.
Buy two pairs of shoes (silver and green converse) and a long slip.
11:20am
Leave again.
Start reading Harry Potter book
SOMETIME LATER
Need to go the bathroom akshav and so we take a reststop break.
Also eat bagel with cream cheese and lox.
Yehudah takes this oppertunity to be fussy.
SOMETIME EVEN LATER
We arrive at Jim and Cheryl's. They have a nice big house.
We eat tortilla's with cream cheese and lox.
we eat hemp-milk ice cream. I like the vanilla bean.
7ish pm (I'm beginning to reestablish the time I've lost)
I watch the first two episodes of Boston Legal.
then I want to go online, so I borrow Cheryl's computer.
Her computer is very snazzy.
It's hp, maroon, has a camera, metallic keyboard (and very impressive looking) with a right click button.
I love the right click button.
And this is where I end for now.
GOOD DAY.

PS, I love Dumbledore.

I have moments, bare moments,
when I try on my favorite pair of black jeans,
when I eat french fries from restaurants so traife that they really are an abomination,
when I see how easy life is without these restrictions that my religion has placed upon me and I've accepted (wanted!)
when I war inside myself.

I like Oregon a heck of a lot more than I like Israel, but I love Israel more.
And because of that, my life is a bit more messed up then it used to be.

I love Judaism more than the secular world, but I like the Secular just a bit more.

And I don't know how to explain this war,
so it just exists,
it exists and becomes a bit more divided each day,
and I want to go back to Israel but the ticket has yet to be bought with funds my family doesn't have.
So I'm letting the war continue, and I know who will win if I don't go back.

The worst part is that I don't even know, sometimes, in the barest of moments, who I want to win. 

I've just realized that top networks have their shows online and since I'm not in Israel I can actually use this service.
Nice.

I am cool.
Also, Shabbat is cool.
Wat?

I'm back in America.
cleaning my kitchen
eating stale marshmellows
wearing an orange skirt.
Yay America

I was Jesus for Purim, stigmata and all.
I think I disappointed and caused shock to many a teacher.
YAY.
Or not yay.

Tomorrow I'm going to be a Voodoo doll.
More later.
-mE

courage

1. I did laundry today.
2. Went to Meryl-lee's for shabbos.
3. I gorged myself on sushi and Fish patties that were spicy and delicious.
4. I missed people from home.
5. I worried about finding the money to come back here.
6. At this moment in time, 12:29am on Sunday, sitting in classroom 3 with Ro's iPod blaring Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson I am content.
7. Don't worry. It won't last long.
8. The 14 (bus to/from ביט שמש לרמט ביט שצש  ) cost 3.70 sheck which is about a dollar.
9. That Hebrew says Beit Shemesh to Ramat beit shemesh
10. Yeah Hebrew.
11. I like Rav Baumol.
12. And also Meryl-lee.
13. And G-d while we're at it.
14. A girl is online next to me (on facebook) and looking at a friend who posted a picture of her tummy plastered with tattoos.
15. That is all.

If you had asked me how I was for the entire last week I would have answered "Unhappy" or "vaguely set adrift" or even a full fledged "Sad."

Today however, I woke up feeling good.

You have no idea how wonderful that feels.

PS- I gave my Rabbi a book today.

I am exhausted.
And not from a lack of sleep.
Not from forming complex mathematical equations.
Not from traveling.

I have exhausted myself by trying to fix myself.
I am Jewish. Jew = Judaism.
Therefore, whatever Judaism believes in and goes by, I believe in and go bye.

An animal is not kosher unless it's been sheckted.
It's not kosher if it's instruments touched anything unkosher.
It cannot be mixed with dairy, including kosher dairy.

McDonalds is not kosher.
My house is not kosher.
My friend's houses are not kosher.

DO we see the problem yet?

No? I'll continue.

Judaism is the friendliest to GAY as we get.
The act is unkosher, the feelings are not.
I can't accept this.
But I must, because it was written down in the Torah given by G-d.
DO you have any idea how outrageously annoying it is to believe wholeheartedly in two conflicting thoughts?
It's like 1984 is battling inside my head and I am wearied by the war.

I am just exhausted by this one. My religion believes in something I do not.

Faith in G-d is easy,
Faith in man, in religion, in  my religion, is unbearably difficult.

I stop here, for now, no doubt there will be more.
And it will center on polygomy and how it's affected Judaism.

I am in a suitably better mood today.

Today I was walking around with a Friend, Scully (codename), and basically we got super lost. Like, wondering around in the dark for two.five/three hours while creepy israeli boys shouted out "How ARE yOU?" in a scary manner. 

Basically we spent the entire time talking about our body ailments and venting about scary happenings.

Also, my elbows are showing. I feel vaguely uncomfortable about this, although i'm sitting in the living room, with only girls around.

What is Isreal doing to me?

so i wasn't so homesick when i got here.

it was the holy land and a new shiny school with new shiny books and a new shiny room.

but i'ver settled and gotten used to things and I miss conections with people. deep, close, personal relationships where i didn't have to think things through but just act and it's exhausting to act this way.

Basically I miss friends and connections and mother hugs where you are just surrounded by love and feel that everything is going to be fine.
that you're fine and the world is fine.

I miss sleeping in the same bed as my siblings and snuggling.

But i'm complaining so ...

tomorrow will be better.

this is the holy land.

That'll be fun.

I'm in israel.
All set up in my dorm room.
More later.

 I'm in New York!

Have been since 6:23pm on Thursday.

On the cab ride to the apartment I'm staying at this weekend, my first cab ride ever, and I'm alone to a place i've never been to, mind you, the cab diver has to stop in the middle of the street because there is someone being arrested.

Oh yes, arrested.  

Two cop cars and in the middle is a man (in a wife beater) hands above head, with two cops standing around him.

Wasn't even in New York an hour yet.

 

I am leaving on the Forth of September to go to Israel and start my first year of college ever.

So it's cool that I'm freaking out more than a little bit.